I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
