i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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