I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I am one with the molecules
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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