You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
