Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
