one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
