Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
