I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My cat gives me a boner
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
