dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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