just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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