I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
