My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
