can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
