She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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