I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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