Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
