you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize