Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
