Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
