Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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