Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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