i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
