Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
