I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Fuck appropriateness.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
