I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
