too bad you live with your parents still
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize