Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
