I want to make a zoo with you.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize