my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
