Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We are all done wearing pants today
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
