i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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