Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize