Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
