so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
