you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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