too bad you live with your parents still
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
