If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
