I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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