What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
