Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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