yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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