Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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