I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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