I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
