he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
