I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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