I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
