she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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