I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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