I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
