Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
