She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
