Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
