Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
