He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
