Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
