2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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