Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
