I don't usually arrange sex via text message
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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