Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
