If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
