How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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