I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
