He disabled his match.com account in front of me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
