you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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