girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
