I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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