Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
