he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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