You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
