if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
