how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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