Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
